my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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