He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It's just like the Real World with babies
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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