You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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