the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
