I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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