Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
