At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
