my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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