Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
