You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize