I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
