In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
