Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
