i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
