my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
