So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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