...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I want a musical about memes.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
