Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
