hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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