how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
