I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
