i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You need a sexual gate keeper
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
