ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
