She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We have so much sex to catch up on
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
