the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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