i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
