And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
