is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize