textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize