everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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