I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
