Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
