No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
