I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
