There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
