my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
