my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
