That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
