Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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