Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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