hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
