I'm jealous of your bromance
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
love makes seman taste better
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
