i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
