I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
