he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
