he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
