there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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