I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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