he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
