I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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