its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
