Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
