the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
