Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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