just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
