I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
