you have to choose: penises or morals?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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