I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
