if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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