Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize