shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
be right there i have to get my cape
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
