I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
