Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
