Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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