yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
